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THE HORMONE GUIDE
Women will understand this! Men should memorize it!

Every woman knows that there are days when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands! This is a handy guide that should be carried like a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!

 DANGEROUS  SAFER  SAFEST  ULTRA SAFE
What's for
dinner?
Can I help you
with dinner?
Where would you like
to go for dinner?
Here, have some wine.
Are you
wearing that?
You sure
look good in brown!
WOW! Look at you!
Here, have some wine
What are you
so worked up about?
Could we be
overreacting?
Here's my paycheck.
Here, have some wine.
Should you be
eating that?
You know, there are a lot of apples left.
Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?
Here, have some wine.
What did you
DO all day?
I hope you didn't over-do it today.
I've always loved you
in that robe!
Here, have some wine.

13 Things PMS Stands For:

1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
and my favorite one -
13. Potential Murder Suspect
Pass this information to your lady friends and those who might need a good laugh and men who need a warning.

And, have some wine.